For one thing, I made an utter fool falling in love with Els. Something I would not do in a normal situation. I was in mania (or hypomania) since June 2018. It didn't help much that I:
- Smoke pot
- Sleep late
- Got overexcited over a babe
- Overexcited over Tweeter interactions
- Have extra cash (that is pressure to me)
- Get responses in Chedet.cc
Basically I get overexcited over many things. I can say that 2018 is an overexciting year for me.
Now, the illusion of grandiose; I am the Ayah to All Matters, I am the Almighty and I am AlphaX64, the Binary King of Sparta 4964: all these are nonsense.
I found out that the illness makes you feel that way.
Al Araf 7:7 are my collection of figurines. Yes I speak to them but they are my companions since I am all alone. They don't represent the afterlife.
As far as I am concern now, there is no afterlife. I cannot say God exists either because god is what people imagine and never had He revealed Himself to the masses. In short there is no proof that God exists.
Let put it this way, in my current state of consciousness, if I want to accept there is God, then that God is me. How very unlikely for me to represent the whole universe?
The only way to do this is either I revert to being an atheist, which makes me feel no better than an amoeba or I become God to my Universe Within, of which will endure as long as I am alive.
When I die, my whole universe dies with me. Until then I am responsible for their well-being.
So no God, no afterlife and no Judgement of Heaven. I am at my best is an Autotheist.
That is easy then. Everyday I just manage my personal kingdom.
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