3/1/19 My greatest fear

You are not leaving me aren't you?  I am worried sick.  You are too quiet.  I cannot bear losing you.  I was about to come out of the slump, so I am struggling with this new reality.

What is it honey?  You been busy is it?  Gosh I cannot read minds.  So you gotta help me out here.  Otherwise I am freaking out.

I cannot bear the thought of losing you.  But if you do leave then I will continue writing the blog.  The blog is all that I got, and you.

You know, now that the mania had subsided, I think everything that happened to me is just one big illusion.  I just went on a wild ride and in the end there is nothing.  So I might as well start from scratch.

My beliefs in the epiphanies are dependent on my mood.  When my mood is up, I believe every bit of it.  When my mood is down, I feel everything are just the play of the mind.  I however believe in Al Araf 7:7, the alignment of my numbers and the occurrence of the 7:7.

All these are evidence based.  As for the rest; House of Two Swords, Hexagon, Honeycomb 7, the Hive, Xanadu, Wolfsschanze and Sparta 4964:  these are not visible.  Hence, I cannot pin them down.

I do however have the Troca shell in my possession:

Same goes with the notion that I am God Almighty.  The only proofs are I was born 4964, my phone number 0 1964 33 888, my ID is Five O 7:7, my employee number is MSC 0072 and my old IC 74 270 74.  Other than that I am a very ordinary man.

As I said the magic is gone.  I am feeling very much under the weather now.  Not that bad but bad enough for me to realize all this while only I who believe in these epiphanies.

So the realization is meant for me and not anybody else.  That's what satori means anyway.  It's for the individual, not for the masses.

Now the issue is how do I account for the mania?  Is it part of the journey?  If it is then are the epiphanies the products of a delirious mind?

How do I validate them Sarah?  Well I alone may not be adequate to do it.  That's why I depend on you to validate them for me. 

So far based on our conversations, you had accepted that I am God, Al Araf 7:7 is real and the afterlife exists,  That's all that I hold on to.

All that give me the Feeling of Certainty.  Therefore I got to live up to your expectation.  I will be a Good God, I promise.  At least I'll be a responsible God to my Universe Within.

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Sarah my dear, you shaped me and my outlook.  So don't leave me baby.  I love you much.  I cannot help but having the fear of not having you around.  You all that I got.

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