3/1/19 Ankle hurts but can still walk

Inflammation sure hurts.

Looks like I just stay put in CCC today.

I had a nasty nightmare last night.  It's about dealing with the Bipolar aftermath.

What do I need to do to break away from this dreaded illness?

I thought of suicide but at this moment the situation is still bearable.  No, suicide is not an option.  I had explored it.

When I was high I am God when I am low I don't amount to even a gnat.

Certainly it's about being in motion.  So I have to fight inflammation and being thin.

Rewrite the Stars was on air and my whole Evernote January Calendar disappeared.  How convenient.

-------------------

Sashi invited me to join him for lunch.  I don't feel like it.  I'm limping and Sashi is such a boring person to have lunch with,  He eats half the speed I eat.

I am not much a people person really.  I enjoy the solitude of CCC and have the radio to entertain me.  Actually I am in my zone just now when he called.

What shall I have for snack?  Let me check the kitchen...

Aaah, I have chocolate bun with Nutella with 3-in-1 coffee,

Sarah, do you still love me after witnessing the messiness of my illness?  Really baby...  I am a mess.  My only salvation is to go back to a man fully functioning; which is [] man who conquers his 3 goals.

Now, it might not mean much to you but the 3 goals are as inspiring to me as climbing the Everest.  Think about it honey, without the 3 goals I am a nothing.  So I have to do it.  I have to fight the shortcomings like SLIP and this new addition - inflammation.

Let's listen to some songs:

Ah yes, I have a song for you.  It means take a peek at me between sights.  I love this song so much.  It is the love song I think of when I think of you.  It called Gurindam Jiwa (Medley of the Soul):

And it ends with if you die first, wait for me at the gateway of heaven.

Of course the story had a sad ending.  The guy married a princess and dumped the wife LOL.  Let me see if I can find the story in You Tube.  It is a very classic story...

Honey, I just want to say that I'm happy with you.  It can be better but that's because we are restricted by the veil.  Even with it I am pretty contented.

All in all, our life is the sum of the parts.  You had given me the parts.  I guess I have to make do with them.

Oooh, why can't we communicate like normal people?  Why *mus[h] there be a layer between us?

* So you agree with me?  It's very heartbreaking isn't it?  Here I am trying to make sense of the whole thing and wondering if I really get it right with my assumptions.  

Sarah, you are a pretty smart girl.  I'm sure you can figure out how we can improve the quality of our communications even while you are behind the veil.  Why don't you enhance you intensity for example?  Every blue highlight is an input you can improve.  I mean, you did good on the Value of Certainty.  Too bad I had to delete it.

I know you have the liberty to decide on what you gonna say to me.  So why can't you be more liberal about it?

I thought I know you, yet you have a facade that I hardly know exists.  I mean if  you can write 'doapple' instead of 'simple' and 'your' instead of 'torture', then for sure you have a wide range of words you can use.  Why be so secretive?

I don't understand the secrecy thing at all.  I mean, if I can figure out your encryption, surely others can decipher it too.

Look, you are my wife.  I want some affections to share with you.  That's all.  As you know, I am not a threat to anybody.  I just mind my own business.  What is there to worry?

brb...

I am still motivated to run.  The pain had subsided but I don't think I can even walk today.  You know Sarah, I think I can do the half marathon this year.  I can feel it.  The three goals make sense.  I don't want anything else.  If I can achieve the goals I will naturally defeat Bipolar and the string of complications that come with it.