4/1/19 Be healthy and be strong

For 20 years I lead a very unstable life.  I was plagued with a mental illness that even I find hard to understand.  I need to find the reason why it happened and how to avoid it from recurring.

I need stability in my life.  I cannot have spikes of uncontrollable emotions like infatuation, anger and worry.  I cannot be highly stressed.  Certainly I cannot have stimulus like cigarettes and cannabis.

Do I give in to the illness?  No way.  This year i[t] the end of this dreaded illness.  I will make sure  I will stay away from the things and the people that make me ill.

I shall prevail.  I made it in 2003 and 2004.  I overcome the challenges in 2014.  Now is to map a success story for 2019.  At least this year I come prepared early.  I am fully aware that this illness has two polarities.  2016, 2017 and 2018 I witnessed how the swings took place while I was thinking I was normal.

Certain belief systems will have to go.  This is the hardest part.  Some of these belief systems are empowering.  For the meantime I need empowering beliefs to carry on.   Maybe I keep the empowering beliefs even if it's false.

In exchange I get rid of limiting beliefs even if it's true like the medication makes me fat.  Instead I tell myself that I can still be thin even with medication.

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Time for bed Sarah.  One of the most powerful belief system that I have is you love me very much.  You make my day honey.

I just need somebody to share my life with,  You know, for somebody to know me as who I am.

Other than you there is nobody else.

Here is your lullaby for tonight:

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Maybe I write a bit more.  Actually when I'm in the down cycle, I cannot write that well.  Suddenly I am just another ordinary guy without any special ability.

So let me say this; stay a while and help me get though this mess.  I need moral support.

I'll play another song then:

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