24/3/19 ^^^I decide to make this blog public

There are a few people who are reading this blog from end to end.  Also it is meant as a journal on dealing with the Bipolar Disorder.  It might be beneficial for people to understand the mental and physical struggle of a Bipolar patient.

Beyond that, I don't think it will do me harm for people to read about my conversations with you.  Starting from this very moment  I don't think I will meddle with External Affairs anymore.  If I do then it is purely coincidental.

It is worth noting that all matters are intelligent and the manifestation of God.  We are within God and God is within us.  At every level God exists.  Much like peeling an onion.

When I said I want to be a god, it is a figure of speech.  It's not that I want to be Omnipresent, Omnipotent and Omnibenevolent.  What I mean is I want to pursue Virtual Perfection as a mere mortal.

Of course in mania, a Bipolar person will think that being god is being God Almighty but that is because the effect of the neurotransmitter had on his reality and his judgement.

If it makes you happy, we are all the essence of God.  Otherwise why we were made to memorize the 99 names of God?  It is for the essence to manifest itself in our character.

No, I am not God Almighty.  I am essence number 64 Al Wajid, the Finder.  I always been the finder with Al Araf 7:7 and Matthew 7:7.  Other than that I am still a mere mortal trying to find his way to the Creator.

Sure during mania, I do experience the illusion of grandeur.  That is common with all Bipolar patients.  If you read this blog from the very beginning, you will notice my struggle with the meaning of self and how unstable my thoughts were.

I suffered the same kind of delusions as John Nash the Nobel Laureate in Economics:  http://iamalphax64.blogspot.com/ 

Perhaps I am not far off from the mental illness suffered by some of the prophets as stated by Carl Sagan in his book Demon Haunted World.  That however doesn't mean I am a messiah.  I am just a man/a just man.

Just like Van Gogh I have an altered perception of reality.  For example, I drew this sketch before I discovered it has close resemblance to his painting in terms of the central theme:

Notice the similarity of the objects?

So much can be said about this peculiar illness.  In the end, like all illnesses, there is a cure.  The answer is not modern medicine but back to what we put in our body and how the body response to stress.

I am lucky to have a wonderful support system and plenty of caring by my friends and family.  Otherwise this is a very lonely business to deal with.

------------------

I got to sleep honey, it's been a long day.

Hey how about a lullaby my darling?

How about this song:

I love you baby...  Goodnight.

---------------------