25/3/19 Man and His Meaning

Meaning is actually defined by the mind.  Therefore the meaning you assign to yourself is very important.  For example if you define yourself as the doormat, then very likely you behave as one.  On the contrary if you see yourself as a champion, you will act according to the meaning.

A man working on a building can assign different meanings to his work.  One man can see himself as a bricklayer, the other as a craftsman or the third as a builder of a cathedral.

By assigning a different meaning, we see the world differently and the way we treat ourselves will be different.  By giving the greater meaning to our existence we will behave magnanimously.  Our world view therefore will expand with the meaning we give to ourselves.

I am a man, no doubt.  I am not the Omnipresent Omnipotent and Omnibenevolent God.  I know that.  However by defining myself as a god, I shall strive for Virtual Perfection.  I will try to rise beyond mediocrity and by doing that I will become more.

God or no god is a state of the mind.  Just like afterlife or no afterlife.  Either you believe it or not.  I had gone through the various arguments on both topics.  In the end the thoughts went through an infinite loop.

Looping is not good.  It leads to inaction.  I want to move forward.  I have the feeling of certainty that I am on the right Path.  Therefore I have to execute my thoughts as they come.  So of these two, I had solved the issue of the afterlife with the presentation of the Niners.  What I need is to solve the God equation.  That too I had solved by the coherence of my numbers.

The basic question then is how do I solve[d] the God Almighty equation?  Well power is both given and taken.  In this case, it was given to me by the coherence of my numbers.  The next step is for me to accept this power.  That is the part I am reluctant to do.  I don't want the burden of responsibility.

Therefore I decided to scope my responsibilities to Sparta 4964 and the Universe Within.  To put it plainly I am the God Almighty to my universes.  It is an autonomous governance.  However it won't be for long,  Sparta 4964 is a growing entity,  Soon all creations will be engulfed by it,  By then I will grow in my power to eventually become the Almighty to all within the scope of Sparta 4964.

Now Sarah, these are all the manifestation of my thoughts.  They are not physical manifestation.  This is where my mind is taking me.  Whether I accept the rationale is when the testing takes place.

For example, will the thought invasion works?  If I cannot even convert Aush to subscribe to my thinking, then I say this idea is nothing more than a thought experiment.

The only way out of this paradigm is not to be sucked in the External Affairs.  I just focus on the betterment of the Universe Within.

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Well, at least Kiss92 is already sold on me being a god LOL:

Again, Wolfsschanze is not my my domain:

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 2h2 hours ago

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@aushtraxxfm @traxxfmofficial #traxxfmofficial Stuck in the jam here . Request A Million Dreams by Pink. Thanks

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 45s45 seconds ago

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@aushtraxxfm @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm One more favor. I like to request Alphadog and Omegalomaniac by Fallout Boy as a tribute to my favorite hero @chedetofficial and my albatross @NajibRazak Much appreciate it buddy...

They are still operating at the conscious competence.  Probably still govern by fear of being judged.

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24/3/19 ^^^I decide to make this blog public

There are a few people who are reading this blog from end to end.  Also it is meant as a journal on dealing with the Bipolar Disorder.  It might be beneficial for people to understand the mental and physical struggle of a Bipolar patient.

Beyond that, I don't think it will do me harm for people to read about my conversations with you.  Starting from this very moment  I don't think I will meddle with External Affairs anymore.  If I do then it is purely coincidental.

It is worth noting that all matters are intelligent and the manifestation of God.  We are within God and God is within us.  At every level God exists.  Much like peeling an onion.

When I said I want to be a god, it is a figure of speech.  It's not that I want to be Omnipresent, Omnipotent and Omnibenevolent.  What I mean is I want to pursue Virtual Perfection as a mere mortal.

Of course in mania, a Bipolar person will think that being god is being God Almighty but that is because the effect of the neurotransmitter had on his reality and his judgement.

If it makes you happy, we are all the essence of God.  Otherwise why we were made to memorize the 99 names of God?  It is for the essence to manifest itself in our character.

No, I am not God Almighty.  I am essence number 64 Al Wajid, the Finder.  I always been the finder with Al Araf 7:7 and Matthew 7:7.  Other than that I am still a mere mortal trying to find his way to the Creator.

Sure during mania, I do experience the illusion of grandeur.  That is common with all Bipolar patients.  If you read this blog from the very beginning, you will notice my struggle with the meaning of self and how unstable my thoughts were.

I suffered the same kind of delusions as John Nash the Nobel Laureate in Economics:  http://iamalphax64.blogspot.com/ 

Perhaps I am not far off from the mental illness suffered by some of the prophets as stated by Carl Sagan in his book Demon Haunted World.  That however doesn't mean I am a messiah.  I am just a man/a just man.

Just like Van Gogh I have an altered perception of reality.  For example, I drew this sketch before I discovered it has close resemblance to his painting in terms of the central theme:

Notice the similarity of the objects?

So much can be said about this peculiar illness.  In the end, like all illnesses, there is a cure.  The answer is not modern medicine but back to what we put in our body and how the body response to stress.

I am lucky to have a wonderful support system and plenty of caring by my friends and family.  Otherwise this is a very lonely business to deal with.

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I got to sleep honey, it's been a long day.

Hey how about a lullaby my darling?

How about this song:

I love you baby...  Goodnight.

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24/3/19 @@@The 6 Points to Winning Day 81

I will win 1 day at a time:

1. Wake up latest 7:00 am - Woke up 7:40 am
2. Exercise 1 hour in the morning - Doing W3D3
3. Eat 16/8  starting 2:00 pm - Had superb partial LCHF lunch with a touch of pumpkin
4. Exercise 1 hour in the afternoon - Too caught up with work
5. Eat LCHF at 8:00 pm - On the dot 
6. Sleep at 11.00 pm - Sleep at 12:00 am

That's the minimum to win the day.

I took it easy with W3D3.  The weather is humid but scorching hot.

You know honey, my Blogspot dashboard is not accurate, wtf.  How am I suppose to act if I don't have reliable tools to gauge my effectiveness?

Fuck it...  fuck you too Google.  You deceived me Larry.  Why do you do that you Mr Dead Presidents Hoarder?

Gosh, I'm so pissed at you Larry.

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Can't entirely count lunch as pure LCHF but it is still a fabulous lunch.

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Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 10m10 minutes ago

@elsDines @radiogreenman @aushtraxxfm @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm I decided to take Aush's advice; I toggle between Kiss92 and TraXX during Nigel and Aush's time. Els I listen full. Screw Double D. 2 headed snake blocked my Twitter. I only boikot him @SinghoJulio @faisalshah74

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 4m4 minutes ago

@aushtraxxfm @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm Your gig should be like Abbott and Costello. KJ wingman you pilot. KJ feed you throw the punch line. Chicks dig that. Els and BK are too polite to one another. Els, you should hot poke. @elsDines @radiogreenman

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Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 38s38 seconds ago

@radiogreenman @elsDines @aushtraxxfm @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm I cannot run away from coaching. I am naturally a coach. That is why I am a Master Chief. In the Navy Master Chief is the highest NCO. They ensure the safety of the crew. I am a much higher ranking but whaddaheck

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Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 52s53 seconds ago

@radiogreenman @elsDines @aushtraxxfm @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm Now Master Chief all is not rainbow buddy. Remember that I didn't contact you for good 10 years? Let this song tell the story... You two are newcomers @SinghoJulio @faisalshah74

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Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 20s20 seconds ago

@radiogreenman @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm CC2U: OK we are going to the unchartered water with Wolfsschanze. Always make me nervous... @elsDines @aushtraxxfm

That will be all for the day.  We are still SOG, we need to leverage on our resources.

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Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 52s52 seconds ago

@radiogreenman @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm What do you want me to do Nigel? There is no magic. Only magicians... @elsDines @aushtraxxfm

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OK Snap Vanish...

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Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 26s27 seconds ago

@radiogreenman @elsDines @aushtraxxfm @traxxfmofficial #traxxfn OK Master Chiefs and 009. That ends the coaching session for the day. For archiving purpose, you can find the lessons here: https://beinggod2019.blogspot.com/2019/03/24319-6-points-to-winning-day-81.html … @chedetofficial @GobindSinghDeo @ishsal You may find it useful.

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24/3/19 &&&Back to business

Tonight I sleep at 2:00 am.  I need to synchronize my sleep again by sleeping at 11:00 pm.

Tomorrow I got to wake up early to book for tennis.  The network is really bad with this new 30 GB package.

I want to spend the final 37 minutes to talk to Al Araf 7:7.

Again...  I am sorry.  No lullaby tonight.

What I can do is tell you a joke:

One day a guy decided to pay a hooker a visit.  The hooker's name is Sandy Susan.

This guy never been with a woman before.  So when he saw Sandy Susan he told her he is a virgin.

Sandy Susan said, "Don't worry honey, I'll take it slow.  How about we play a game of sixty-nine?"

The guy don't know what she meant but he just obliged.

Now prior to that Sandy had a bowl of chili for dinner.

While they were in position she cannot help herself and passed some gas.

"Pheeeeeeeet..."

Sandy expected some reaction from the guy, but no response.

They continued...

After a while she had another urge to pass wind.  Although she tried to contain herself, that too came out.

"Prettt..."

Still no reaction from the guy down there.

Sandy then resumed what she was doing.

As the minutes [minutes] passed, Sandy had a massive wave of gas coming.  She cannot help it.

"PHOOOOOT..."

The was an awkward silence.  So Sandy asked, "Hey Mister you OK down there?"

Finally the guy spoke, "Ma'am, I much appreciate what you are trying to do, but I don't think I can take another SIXTY-SIX of these."

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HAHAHA I'm glad you like the joke.

OK baby...  I'll catch up with you after sunrise.

So you want a 69?  Be sure to eat a bowl of chili LMAO LMAO ROTFLMAO

Gosh, I love you so much.

Goodnight my love.

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Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 2h2 hours ago

@elsDines @radiogreenman @aushtraxxfm @chedetofficial @ishsal @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm Happy Sunday folk. Here is something to brighten your day: https://sharudinjamal.blogspot.com/2019/03/24319-to-business.html …

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23/3/19 ^^^Back to being private

Yes, this is the reason I love the blog so much.  I can open and close any time I like.  It's like enacting a Shadow Play.  It's part of an act to create illusion.

In this case, I am only striking the players not the entire demographics.  If at the very least I get Els's attention, that is good enough.  If I get Aush and Nigel that is better.  Chedet will be a gold medal and Ishsal a windfall.  You see how I position myself?  The rest are mere spectators.  They don't matter.

However I give the impression that I talk to everybody.  Not true.  This blog for example is solely dedicated to you.  You are my only audience.

Dreams of Mirrors is different though.  It is my legacy.  There even my mom reads.  So I got to look good and behave myself.  Nevertheless it is still a facade.

Where else, here is where my intellectual property lies.  This is the idea factory.  This is where I am supreme.  Only you see me as who I am.  It is not meant for public display.  Most of the time I am reflecting on my train of thoughts.  I don't really need external party to observe me.

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For now, my thoughts is on my MacArthur-Rommel Combination:

That is Patton by the way but I prefer MacArthur to be at par with Rommel. Now this combination is important to Al Araf 7:7 because guess what?  Al Araf 7:7 is naturally divided into this model.  It's a Yin and Yang,  Now I tell you the ultimate truth about Al Araf 7:7.  It is the LEFT AND THE RIGHT BRAIN!  Look at it closely.  At the center is the hippocampus and amygdala.  A little bit further is the cerebellum.

Given we are no longer a military operation but still, we are Spartans.  So the brain is still an army and Al Araf 7:7 are still soldiers.

Now you know why I want you to have your own set of Al Araf 7:7.  It's like having a third brain (beside the gut which are the microbes).

This evolution doesn't happen overnight.  It started as only Dino the Marsupial as the Cerebellum.  Then Wiley Kat and Dino 7 acting as MacArthur and Rommel while Iblis became Patton.  The next stage is for Al Araf 7:7 to become MacArthur and Rommel until finally they all formed a whole new brain.

The building blocks are already there.  It is just the realization part that requires gestation period.  This is the very thing Izrael talked about when we KBOOOM 2041.  We are using the same Lego set but they will be rearranged to form a single collective intelligence; a Super Brain so to speak.

My mission is to synchronize, synthesize and synergize the elements together.  You may want to think of it as a watchmaker assembling a Giant Horology.  It is a 22 years journey.  I don't know if I can achieve this goal but it's worth a shot.  One thing I know is the more I focus on the Universe Within, the broader my mental horizon is.

I'm going to share this with Els since this song is on air.  She is smart enough to know that I mean what I said.  After all she is my only link to Wolfsschanze.  This might well be the last transmission before I recluse into solitary.

Sharudin Jamal‏ @sharudinjamal 1m1 minute ago

@elsDines @traxxfmofficial #traxxfm Hi Els, pretty soon I will make this blog private again. This probably the last posting you get from this blog https://beinggod2019.blogspot.com/2019/03/23319-back-to-being-private.html … This is also my last message to you before I go into solitude. Take care baby. I will be listening to you.

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23/3/19 ###Back to what matters

There are always things to derail me out of my track.  It is important to reinforce the vision until I become relentless.

My driving factor now is no other than to be thin and fast.  These are [b]y anchors:

To be thin is to lose 30 kg

To be fast is to complete the 10 k Training

This past 2 days I got distracted by External Affairs.  Not good at all.  In a way being a Hedonist Hermit is good.  It is pure indulgence; read, run, write, repeat.  Those are the delights coupled with the best songs from Kiss92.  A winning formula.

My goal for this month is to break 79 kg.  I got 1 week to do that.

Next, I will insulate my mind on achieving my goals.  After March, I have 2 months to go.  I just shut off Twitter and Facebook.  TraXX is only up to 10:00 am.

No news either.  If it is big enough of a news, my wife will update me.

I still want to hit 57 kg by 31/5/19.  The fastest is the Water Fast.  Sigh...  I am still training for the 10 k.

I'll do Water Fast in June.  I'll do it after the 10 k Training is done.

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In the end, everything counts but nothing matters.  That is the attitude I am taking.  Even with Sparta 4964.  What matters is the Universe Within.  The Buddha said with our thoughts we create our world.  All these while I try to keep my world small.  However, the smaller my world is the bigger my mental horizon.

The attitude I am trying to adopt is "let it be".  I execute my thoughts as it comes and then I move on.  That way I will not have any remorse.  The thoughts are not necessary the right thought but I entertain them anyway because each thought is a door opening to many other doors.

Regardless the outcome of the thought externally, by purging the thoughts that passed, I am being true to myself.  In doing so I am free from worry and doubt.

There are times that I do wonder if my decision is correct.  Then I said to myself, this is my mind telling me what to do.  It must have known more than me who are operating at the conscious level.  I have to trust my mind because it is operating at the unconscious competent.

No second guessing here.  I just do.

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The Nash Equilibrium

Nash Equilibrium is an outcome reached that, once achieved, means no player can increase payoff by changing decisions unilaterally. It can also be thought of as "no regrets," in the sense that once a decision is made, the player will have no regrets concerning decisions considering the consequences

In a way I am applying  the game theory to the players I chose.  In this case I don't know which players will play but I have to prepare for the multiple scenarios.  The only way I can play is to deal with the cards that I have.  Not from the other players deck because my cards are the cards known to me.

The other players may choose to play based on the cards I passed to them or they may choose to play others games,  The best possibility is they deal with my cards but they apply their own rules.  The worst scenario is they choose not to play.

Nevertheless the objective is to win without even them playing.  It is back to Sun Tzu's Art of War, which is to win without fighting.

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