This continuous inflammation is the least expected. I need to fight all these shortcomings no matter what.
Suddenly quit smoking is the least of my worry. I need to tackle this old injury.
I hope it[] the healing crisis from taking all the oils.
Tomorrow I'll walk in the morning. I'll do the sprint too. I'll try this and if the pain persist, I take the painkiller. I also have arthritis spin on my left toe. It's better I endure the pain and train my feet again before it gets worse.
Whatever it is, I need to lose weight. This will not stop me from staying on this path to recovery.
----------------
I need this run. It is my victory run. I must make it happen.
-----------------
I reviewed back my fitness journal. Since 2014 I already know about Ketogenic Diet.
My problem is I eat too much carbs and smoke cigarettes and dope.
I actually managed to lose weight in 2014, 2016 and 2017 with all those carbs consumption.
True enough, my 3 enemies are cigarettes, carbs and cannabis. Now cigarettes is no longer the issue. I had replaced it with Nicorettes. Dope is also not an issue as long as I don't meet BJ. My challenge now is carbs. As long as I eat carbs I will have concerns with weight and inflammation.
Throughout the last 5 years I was crazy because I smoke pot. Because of that I cannot control my thoughts and the urge to smoke cigarettes. I eat a lot of carbs too.
This experience has taught me that all the talks about God and the afterlife are nonsense. Al Araf 7:7 is nothing more than a set of figurines that I talk to because I have nobody else that I can communicate with.
Back to basics. There is no God, no ghost and supernatural occurrences. When we die, we become nothing. All these "magical" phenomena are just the play of the mind. They are purely imagination. Until today there are no scientific proof to all these matters.
The only way for me to get cured form Bipolar is to quit the 3 Cs and to revert to being an atheist. That is progress to me now.
I will still talk to Al Araf 7:7. That is because I don't have anybody to talk to. However they are nothing more than an extension of my thoughts. There is no Path, no KBOOOM 2041, no coherence of numbers and no miracles. I choose to life my life as it is. As Sharudin Jamal, the loner.
I don't even bother to relate to metaphors. I just be who I am. As Sharudin Jamal, I have enough things on my plate. First I am to be a good animal. I want to be physically fit. Then only I can be mentally sound.
---------------
I don't believe in any religion. I think Muhammad is a mentally ill person and I don't think Jesus existed.
My God is my higher self. When I die I become nothing.
Whatever I want to achieve I do so in this lifetime. Nothing to do with God. We fight our own battles.
Now I am totally free. Free to focus on my goals.
-----------------
Actually it is easy to stop believing in God. Just don't credit any of the natural occurring phenomena to Him. If He is to stand by the supernatural things alone then He is not worthy of a God because once these things have a scientific explanation then He loses his credibility bit by bit.
John Nash dealt with his illness for 30 years. I say I have enough of Bipolar after 20 years. I want to be well again. The way forward is no 3 Cs by eating 16/8 LCHF and exercise am/pm.
All I care is to breathe fresh air, to weigh 57 kg and to run 10 km/hour. Money helps but with what I got from Balqis and Munek, I can get by.
------------------
Funny how the mind works. I actually believed in the epiphanies. Without the mania, those things were absurd. Even if they are real, they are real only to me. Doesn't concern others. I hold on to John Nash story. He even attested that he got revelation from the outer space just like how he got the inspiration for the Game Theory. Now, since he is a math genius, his epiphanies came as complex math theorem.
In my case the math is simpler but it is still absurd. Think of it... BJ's junk is something meaningful. For heaven's sake, they are plain junk!
I don't want to dwell in the Alternate Reality Dimension anymore. That is the realm of madness. One thing about madness is you never realize when you are mad. I can only see it as what it was when I step out of the situation and evaluate it rationally. Yes I was crazy.
So if John Nash can decide to stop being crazy, I too can do the same with my Red Formula.
-----------------------
Now this issue on continuing with my medication indefinitely. I don't think it is necessary even if my wife insisted. The side effect is weight gain. So since I have to still take it for life, I have to watch what I eat like my life depend on it. There must be some truth to the medication.
Well after some reading, I can be categorized as Bipolar Disorder with inclination towards Schizoaffective Disorder. It is a serious mental disorder. Therefore I need the medication.
Does Invega Sustenna cause weight gain?
Does high prolactin cause erectile dysfunction?
What is the role of prolactin in males?
How do I explain to my wife that this medication effect my testosterone.
The only way to overcome this is through food.
“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”
―
------------------
This is the parting thought for the day:
I am a mental patient. Stay away from cigarettes, carbs and cannabis
-------------------
No comments:
Post a Comment