4/2/19 Must get back into the groove

I need to be able to control my diet again.

Then exercise.

Then sleep well.

I am not getting any of these.

Certainly when I look back, I can't take dope.  Without dope I am level headed.  I don't think of all those funny thoughts as when I am in mania.

Now the focus is entirely about breathing fresh air, being thin and being fast.

I wish I can be in state of being in love.  At present I don't have anybody to fall in love to.  I feel pretty lonely all by myself.

I wonder Sarah.  Are you still in love with me?  I do hope so.  It is wonderful to love and be in love.  Especially during the mania.  With the current condition I really feel I am all by myself.

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The answer is weight reduction and ability to run again.  That is my current purpose.  I must achieve these goals.

I lose weight, I can run far and fast.  That will be my aim in life.

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