>>>5/2/19 I think I sleep at 1:00 am tonight

I kinda miss having Sarah around.  I wonder if she is still interested to be my wife considering I am nothing more than a nobody with this illness.  Nothing special except I am a man still in pursue of my ideals.

I really love her.  She makes my day with her interventions.  She is probably the only person who cares enough to read my blog posts.

I think she is gone now.  So, there is nobody else except me and my own thoughts.

Let me ask her...  Hey Sarah, do you still want to be my wife baby?  There's nothing much for me to offer though.

She is gone for good.  After all these years...

Too bad I had to deal with her during my mania.

The good things is now I can focus on being alone.  Just focusing on *[] my very best.

* So you still follow my blog huh?  You never left did you?  That is a moral booster for me baby.  Kinda lonely being all by myself.

So are you still my wife?  I take it that [i]s a yes then :)

Okaaay!  Now I am up and alert again.

Actually this posting is about you.  Just to let you know,  I kinda miss you the whole day through.  I know nowadays the topics are pretty monotonous and focused on self-improvement.  What can I say baby, I am still tweaking my daily activities to achieve the desired goals.

Shucks, I smoked pot after 1 month adjusting my diet and exercise.  That is a big no no.  I fell off the wagon.  Luckily I managed to counter with Nicorette.  Otherwise I will start smoking again.

I smoked pot because I need company and the only company is BJ.  I was depressed too.  Now I know that the next time I feel depress I just go for the Nicorette.  That is better then smoking pot.  Pot really got me binge on carbs.  Its called the Munchies Effect.

You know...  I kinda like being married to you.  I feel very secure.  As I said, you give me the feeling of certainty.

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I watched a video last night about a 300 lbs man who lost 100 lbs in 6 months just by OMAD.  I think I am on the right track here.

I cannot wait to be able to run continuously again.  Next week I try a different strategy.  I run MWF and swim TTh.  Now is about strengthening the heart.  I got a past injury during KBX that keeps nagging me.

First thing first.  Lose weight, then run far, then run fast.

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Sarah, do you love me?  I mean, really love me like a wife do?  I like that very much.  I think that helps with my recovery.  I just need the feeling of certainty to move on.

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OK, its 1:00 am.  Time to sleep.  I gotta send Lizzie to school tomorrow.  Her car is in the workshop.

One song for your lullaby:

Seriously Sarah, I love you so much.  Of course when I'm in mania I love you much more and when I am depressed I don't have that loving feeling.  However, on an even keel I say my feeling towards you is very real indeed.

Take care baby...

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